We all know that the Bible is a serious book, but even the most stalwart Christians will likely admit it has some humorous passages. Whether that’s because crucial information was lost in translation, the meaning of words changing over time, or simple anachronisms, sometimes the Bible provides some unintentional comedy in the 21st century. Here are some of our favorite humorous Bible verses, what they mean, and why they’re so funny now.
Song of Solomon 4:1
4 Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
In this verse, Solomon is admiring his wife’s beauty. Clearly beauty standards have changed in the last couple millennia, because most women in the 21st century would not like to be told their hair is like a flock of goats.
Mark 11: 12-14
12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.
In this Bible verse, Jesus curses a fig tree because it bears no fruit. On the surface, this would appear to be a shockingly out of character and almost petty action from Jesus, and the addition of “And his disciples heard him say it” adds an amusing matter-of-factness to the whole affair. But fig trees are used to symbolically represent Israel throughout scripture, so in this parable, Jesus is denouncing the spiritual barrenness of Israel, and projecting a warning against spiritual fruitlessness.
Deuteronomy 23:1
23 No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.
In this verse, God warns that any man who loses his penis or testicles cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven. Though this may seem completely ridiculous now, it would have made sense at the time it was written. Most biblical scholars believe that this is a reference to eunuchs in some pagan faiths, who would mutilate their genitals in order to please their deity. God is saying that believers need not remove their body parts to worship Him, and He will not be impressed if they do. Nevertheless, it remains a good reminder in modern times to always be careful when zipping up one’s pants.
John 13:6-9
6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
7 Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
8 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”
Jesus tells the disciples they won’t understand why he’s washing their feet, but Peter refuses to see Jesus as subservient to him. After Jesus gives Peter the ultimatum to accept the foot washing or to leave, Peter changes his tune and requests a whole bath. Though Peter’s earnest and eager request for Jesus to wash his head and hands is often received humorously as a guy who means well but doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, many biblical scholars believe he actually understood what Jesus was getting at here. The specific request for Jesus to wash his hands - used in work - and head - used in thought - are telling.
Proverbs 21:19
19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.
Am I right, fellas? (Groan).
Those are just a few of the Bible verses that modern readers might find a bit humorous. What are some of your favorite funny Bible verses?
75 comments
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ServantOfJudgement
2nd Kings 10:27. It describes how Jehu, the King of Israel, destroyed the temple of Baal in Samaria and turned it into a latrine. The verse states: “They demolished the sacred stone of Baal and tore down the temple of Baal, and people have used it as a latrine to this day.”
To me this was hilarious. Archeologists found the place around 1910. Nothing funnier than taking a crap where people worshiped Satan.
It ain't art bro, it's just a dump.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
SHOJ Satan got his revenge, but in ways intangible to most
For instance, you
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Patricia Ann Gross
Too many to remember, but a few come to mind:
Adam, Eve, God and the serpent in the Garden of Eden. I envision God asking "who did it?" Adam points to Eve, who points to the snake and then the snake looks behind him and goes, "damn." The first recorded story of "passing the buck."
The calls by God of both Samuel and Isaiah. 1 Samuel 3:1-10 where Samuel hears his name called and runs into Eli asking if he called him. It takes Eli three times to realize that it is God calling Samuel. Anyone with a kid that doesn't want to go to bed or take a nap has lived this experience. Isaiah's call was similar.
In the New Testament, Peter was quite a character, and several of his interactions with Jesus are quite humerous, like it taking him several times to get it when Jesus tells him to feed his sheep, and the washing of Peter's feet.
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Peter Haas
"God is saying that believers need not remove their body parts to worship Him, and He will not be impressed if they do."
Good thing we don't circumcise in the US.... 👀🙈🤣
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
Peter Haas, when did they quit circumcising in the U.S.? They circumcized me when I was born, at St. Mary's Hospital, in Galveston, Texas in 1963. My brothers were circumcized at birth, and most of the dicks I've seen in the YMCA locker room were also cut.
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Janice L. Webster
The fig tree and its symbolism provided for a great sermon subject. Thanks
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Lionheart
I find many of them as being hilarious. Too many to mention, but those that reference a man walking on water, a 13 year old virgin being impregnated by a deity, references to a talking Ass, and Serpent, a woman being turned to salt, have to be among the best.
🦁❤️
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I did once see Chuck Norris walking barefoot on supposedly hot coals, on Walker Texas Ranger.
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Lionheart
There you are! Thank you fellow Goblin. 🤗
I dare anyone to prove Goblins aren’t real 😜
🦁❤️
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Michael Holland
I dont find any of the bible versus funny, I find most of them disturbing. The republican party has hijacked Christianity and with the introduction of Christian Nationalist it will be a miracle that Christianity survives in its current state. I can see the writing on the wall!
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
You do have to have a very dry sense of humor to appreciate it. I think the Republicans and Democrats are equally as ridiculous, and funny.
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James Russell Watkins
I believe that all the politicians are fighting at some point in your life I mean they are politicians
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James Russell Watkins
I meant funny, not fighting.
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Nicholas J Page
Im ashamed to say i havent read the bible in years but when we had religion study at school i didnt laugh at anything in the good book now im an OAP I will try to read it as my health improves.
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Lionheart
Please don’t be ashamed, you’d be much better off reading the Harry Potter books. Way better stories with a better plot, AND they are suitable for children. Plus, no one will tell you that you will be damned for eternity if you don’t believe the stories.
I hope your health improves soon, Sir Nicholas 🤗
🦁❤️
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
Nicholas, take my word for it. You'd be much better off by only ever reading the stories and comments on this blog.
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Russel A. Kester
Nicholas, good idea to reread the Bible. A good study Bible will prove most helpful. I recommend the NABRE (New American Bible Revised Edition). It's a Roman Catholic study Bible with decent notes and other material to help better understand how to place the scriptures within the context of their times and geography. Good luck and please keep us posted.
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John J. Beck
Asimov's Guide to the Bible is also a useful reference to the background of many passages.
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Russel A. Kester
The issue with Asimov's guide is that was an Atheist thus he wasn't able to discern the spiritual intentions of scripture (may he rest in peace). If I want good science fiction, he's my guy. But if I want to under the Bible, a study Bible written by Christian theists is appropriate. Just as I wouldn't ask a professor with a PhD in literature to explain quantum physics, I wouldn't read commentary from Atheists about theistic texts or doctrines.
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Melinda Ann Cheatham
Someday, I hope Neil deGrasse Tyson does a commentary on the bible. One can always hope.
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Larry Selvey
Nicolas, in your state or condition get a set of bible tapes or CDs and listen to the word starting with the Gospel of John. Good advice from Russel on which study bible to start with, I want to add to that, get a hold to an Amplified Bible or John McArthur study bible, when you read it'll/he'll explain what that mean before moving you on. In the gospel of John Chpt 5, a man was healed after 38 long year, there's something significant about 38 years, it's no accident that the writer just placed it there but that's not why I came here, when Jesus came there He only healed that man, but before He did He asked him a question, "Do you want to be healed?" 38 years and he asked him a question like this, why, Jesus wanted a response from the man, the man had been in this condition for a long time and probably had been reaping some type of benefits, he get well he'll have to fend for himself, so we too have to ask the question like Jesus did, do you want to get well, so there's much here to understand but I don't have the time here to tell all, I hope what I have said will cause you to dig a little deeper, I bid you Godspeed in your healing process, John 20:30-31.
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Russel A. Kester
Larry, I'd heard of the Amplified Bible but didn't know it had a study version. I admit my ignorance as the existence of a John McArthur study Bible. I will soon look for a third version to read for comparison purposes. To the best of my knowledge many study Bibles still rely on the basic biblical criticism first introduced in the Schofield Bible. Is that also true of the two you referenced? Thanks for the information.
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He Who Breathes
And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying...
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Harry Walter Sweezey
You can get up from the ground and face the facts, or you will have mud on your face again.
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I bet a lot of that mud came from camels and donkeys. How'd you like to fall face down in that? Sounds truly scrumptious, doesn't it?
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I suppose you meant for us to finish that line, Breathy. It seems to me that God would have told Abram to get off of his face, before he suffocated to death.
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Colleen McAllister
I do not see the humor in these verses buy your explanations are good ones. All but the first. To tell a woman her hair is as a flock of goats would not seem odd to those of that time. It would be like telling her that her hair is thick and full.
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
And don't forget about the Midas touch! The whole thing is hilarious! The whole thing is a joke, an ancient comic book , in a very twisted way. Try using it for rolling papers and toilet paper, if you think it ought to be used for something other than that.
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ServantOfJudgement
Midas isn't in the Bible Carl. I agree with you Greek mythology is quite comical, even picked up by the Marvel Universe as such.
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I bet y'all really missed me. Had to take a break from my normal routine, and go back to AA and NA meetings for a while. They really missed me around there too. Not that many of them said it, but I could tell.
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I do have a thirty year chip in my pocket. And I even took a course to be a counselor. That ought to count for something.
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Alice Jeannette Stewart
I’ve always thought the bit during the exodus where Moses brings the people to the sea and the folks are furious. One guy says, “were there not enough graves in Egypt that we had to come out HERE to die??” That’s comedy!
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Joan Alice Raner
"Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them."
--- Deut. 28
This (among other dreadful things) is what will happen to you if you don't follow the Law very carefully...
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ServantOfJudgement
It could be even worse than that Joan if you try to break God's law of gravity too far off the ground.
Ouch is all I got to say.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
The part I find the funniest is where it starts out, "in the beginning there was..." and from there on out it just one laugh after another. Takes a special kind of fool to gobble up that nonsense.
I can excuse goat herders because they had an excuse for their ignorance but today, with education, libraries (the ones whose shelves have not yet been emptied or closed by the kkkristofascists) and the internet...well, like they say, you can't fix stupid
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ServantOfJudgement
A Christian gave us Calculous JJ. An estimated 5-10 percent of adult Americans understand the God guided Christian delivered calculous.
God gives deep knowledge to his own regardless of what the antichrists desire to believe. Christianity has had its hand in just about everything we use today.
Every single day you interact with the world, you do it with christian technology.
God is so giving and gracious he even allows the antichrists ride on Christian coat tails and bask in his absolute genius.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
you clown god had nothing to do with calculus, it was a man. under the influence of magical woo but managed to put it aside to work out calculus
personally I believe it's the Flying Spaghetti monster that has helped mankind over the last 5000 years and that includes Flying Spaghetti Monster Technology, including all advances in science and medicine and the world and the universe.
The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world and the universe and all that's in it and in the end, paradise is a volcano that spews beer and it's strippers (male and female) for all
Ramen you crazy mothers, all Praise to the Flying Spaghetti Monster
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I'll be having a can of Chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast this morning. I hope that's enough praise.
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ServantOfJudgement
When a person claiming to be christian does something wrong it's a Christian and his gods fault.
When they bring you antibiotics, airplanes, calculators, washing machines, lasers, x ray machines, walki talkies, FM radios, telescopes and hospitals it's not to a Christian's or God's.
You've got a strange way of thanking those who've made your life so easy and enjoyable.
You're living a cushy life resting on the coat tails of Christianity.
Some children never grow out of their rebellious stage of development. They remain ignorant and defiant with chocolate on their lips and say they didn't eat the chocolate.
You're welcome jj.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
the reason kkkrist chins made all of those discoveries was because the church held the purse strings to education and research. it was financed and encouraged as a way of proving goD and kkkreation and the bibble. science and medicine advanced, not BECAUSE of religion or kkkris chins but IN SPITE of them.
seriously SHOJ get a grip, put down your Goat Herder's Guide To The Galaxy and live a life inspired by scientific discovery and medical advances that are no longer controlled by the vatikkkan, the poop and all of the messy, nasty little denominations that grew out of that anti-humanity fortress of papal man-boy love and women haters
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Russel A. Kester
JJ, no stupid cannot be fixed if one insists on being ignorant. However, with faith by grace, one can begin to gain understanding.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
mester kester are you implying that disbelief in make-believe clown gods is ignorant? and seriously, wtf is faith by grace...is she a hooker, your drug dealer? how possibly can you say disbelief in your clown god is ignorant when in fact simply making that statement is evidence of your own.
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Russel A. Kester
JJ, the simple fact that you do understand what the phrase 'faith by grace' means within the Christian context shows you do not understand the Christian faith. It is highly ignorant to lampoon that which one does not understand.
If one is to understand witchcraft, then one needs to read about it for understanding. If one wishes to understand the Pagan gods of either ancient Greece or ancient Rome, then read about them to gain an understanding of them. And if one wishes to understand Christianity, then read about it so as to seek understanding. Otherwise, you read and study in vain and remain ignorant. And if one doesn't read and study them at all, then one has no basis for an informed opinion and is left with only uninformed, vitriolic rhetoric.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
cognitive dissonance for sure, maybe see a specialist
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Russel A. Kester
I'm glad to read your acknowledgement of the very real problem of cognitive dissonance. Yes, seeing a specialist might be the best option. As always, I wish you the best of luck.
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
I once had faith in Grace, but she left me anyway. I even worshipped her like a goddess, for crying out loud!
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John G Nevitt Jr
No you can’t, Rev Dr, you certainly can’t fix stupid.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
according to some here, all one needs is faith be grace but he's not saying who grace is. do you know who grace is....
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
Trust me, JJ ! I've had Grace, and you don't want to know her. She's nothing like they say about her. I think Jesus once had her too. That's probably what screwed her up.
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ServantOfJudgement
I think the Bible says unbelievers are fools.
Fool: 1. One who is deficient in judgment, sense, or understanding.
One who acts unwisely on any given occasion.
One who has been tricked or made to appear ridiculous; a dupe.
Read that again JJ. See if anything sounds familiar. Fools are very funny to themselves. Cringy to others.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
SHOJ you do realize that your Goat Herder's Guide To The Galaxy is all a fabrication of man, right? I mean, what kind of fool can willingly believe that some cloud clown dictated his thoughts to mere mortals as his gift to the world?
Seriously, this great divine, invisible, all knowing entity deigns to sit down with a scribe and have is thoughts on every little thing be documented for all time?
Funnier still is that you think by quoting the bibble is an effective means of defending it. you might just as well defend hitler by reading from mein kampf.
your (and that other person's) constant holier-than-thou 'silly walks' parading the bibble seem righteous to yourselves. Cringy to others. maybe put down that book of fairy tales and read something educational and beneficial, it's good for the mind.
peas be up on ewe
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ServantOfJudgement
It's fun to say the Bible said you'd do what you do though jj. It feels good to read something written 2k-4k years ago that predicted the things you personally say and do here on this site today. It's even funnier that it was written by goat herders who you presume were idiots. How can an idiot from 4k years ago know you so well? When the archeologists uncover the people and places of the Bible again and again it gives me butterflies to read you saying it's all make belief. I picture a person blocking their eyes and ears screaming it's not real it's not real. It's hilarious watching the atheist squirm while secretly knowing what they scream they don't believe.
How exactly does a intellectual dwarf write a document that 4000 years later the FDA and CDC agree with? Does the value of pi not exist? Is it wise for the costal home dwellers to build on the sand? Oh what a sight it is to read all of these things aren't real.
My oh my, the bible said those who don't believe are fools. It's embarrassingly easy to demonstrate. You need only let them speak and watch in amazement. You can trust they'll prove the document correct.
Lol, it's not real, it's not real!!
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Rich LongJoy Org Rich Longtin -Joyal
Awesome share ! Thank you!
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Patti Anne Lisenbee
the fig tree was OUT OF SEASON! Of course it wouldn't have any fruit on it! Jebus threw an epic tantrum and killed the tree because he was hungry. To me that's not funny, it's sad. If he was as smart as they claim, he'd have known it's out of season. I don't find anything funny in the bybull. Interesting maybe, like how the lover is described in Ezekiel. Otherwise, it's pitiful, out of date, half-ignored and cherry-picked to death. If any books need banning, there are at least three... the "Holy" Bible, the Quran and the Book of Mormon.
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Russel A. Kester
Patti, clearly biblical exegesis is not your cup of tea.
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Rev. Michelle Love
This is the same person who flipped the tables of the money exchangers at the temple. And while I understand that He did not believe that the Hebrews should have to pay a Temple Tax in order to practice their faith, there are always better, less destructive ways of making your point. I agree that the Bible is half ignored and cherry-picked to death. But instead of banning the Bible, I think that people really need to read it at least twice because there are hidden messages in this book that many scholars do not want the rest of the world to know about. Why else would certain fraternal orders use the Bible as their sacred text but be sworn to secrecy about their deliberations?
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Carl Bernard Elfstrom
If you want to help me eat some figs out of season Patti Anne, I've got a two pound bag of dried figs and two pounds of dried cherries in my Amazon shopping cart, as part of next month's order. Do you know how to get to Galveston, Texas. I'll provide you with further details after you express an interest.
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Rev'd Andrew
Interesting to note that 2000 years later Israel is still "spiritually barren".
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Russel A. Kester
Why would you say that? Israel is an amazing nation and a wonderful people.
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Rev'd Andrew
My 10 days there in the late 90's opened my eyes to the depravity of so many Israelis. It has earned its reputation for being a morally bankrupt apartheid state.
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Russel A. Kester
I am awestruck by the testimonials of gay Palestinians who tell how grateful they are that Israel welcomed them, gave them jobs, and most importantly safety. It seems they have a very different experience living in Israel than you did during your short stay.
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Rev'd Andrew
I'm more awestruck by the testimonies and videos and photos of children decapitated by Israeli bombs, of Palestinian prisoners raped by members of "the worlds most moral army", their actions supported by their government, and the apartheid experienced daily by Palestinians in the illegally occupied territories. It seems they have a very different experience that the one you cherry-picked.
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Russel A. Kester
Perhaps if those Arabs who some people insist on wrongly identifying as Palestinians would stop killing Jews in the name of Allah, then those photos of children wouldn't happen. But as HAMAS has made clear many, many times, it is willingly to fight until the death of the very last child in Gaza as they will all die as martyrs and have a glorious life in heaven. Gee, if only HAMAS would care about the lives of those children as much as it does their deaths as martyrs.
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Rev'd Andrew
Ahh yes! You didn't even have the intestinal fortitude to agree that the children died at the hands of the IDF. Instead you say "those photos of children wouldn't happen." Wow. So those little babies deserved to die a brutal death at the hands of the oh-so-innocent IDF "because Hamas"! But they're "Arab" babies, so they don't deserve to live (according to you). But those descendants of Eastern European immigrants who forcibly ejected the inhabitants of Palestine to create an apartheid ethno-state, they have clean hands!
You would have made a wonderful apologist for the NSDAP.
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Rev. Dr. Father JJ
rev andrew, you have to understand that to domionist kkkristofascist israel is vitally important to them and their twisted fantasy of the end of the world.
the kkkrazy kkkristofascists like and defend israel because their bibble says the world will rise up against israel and the kkkristofascists believe that israel will be the winning side...or some such delusional nonsense.
in any case, there is no genocide, no infanticide, no evil when all that one does is in the name of Dog, be it a kkkristofascist one or a muslin or a chewish on (all cut from the same cognitively deluded cloth of religion)
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Russel A. Kester
You have mischaracterized what I wrote terribly. As far as intestinal fortitude goes, however, you failed to mention HAMAS even once in your comments. Why is that? The narrative your comment pushes is to appeal to a person's emotions in hopes the reader will miss the true cause of those deaths which is HAMAS. It's simple sophistry.
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Rev'd Andrew
Interesting take. How exactly is Hamas responsible for Israel carpet-bombing residential areas of Gaza? How is Hamas responsible for IDF snipers shooting children in the back? How is Hamas responsible for the rape of Palestinians in Israeli prisons, and for members of the Knesset saying that the rape of Palestinians is permissible under law? How is Hamas responsible for Israeli forces pouring concrete into water supply pipes? Hamas is the public face of Palestinian resistance to generational occupation and oppression by European occupiers. Hamas was also funded by Israel...when it suited their "divide and conquer" policy to prevent a two-state solution.
So, Russel, I believe I have made enough mention of HAMAS to allay your concerns.
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Russel A. Kester
HAMAS is responsible for Israel's military actions in the Gaza because of it's military actions in October 7th and for using civilians as shields and children as martyrs for its media war. So call for HAMAS to lay down its arms, come out of it's tunnels, and return the hostages. How do lefties keep missing this simple solution?
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Rev'd Andrew
Comment removed by user.
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Rev'd Andrew
The same Hamas that was funded by Bibi's government to create a counterweight to the PLO so that a Two-State solution would remain unviable? Israel crated the Hamas monster, thinking they could control it. Just as the US did with ISIS.
Funny that you call people who denounce the slaughter of innocent children "lefties". I am friends with a few people who lean right-of-center and they too denounce the ethnic cleansing by Israel. It seems those who still support Israel's war crimes are either Zionists (Jewish or *Christian), people profiting from the slaughter, or people who have no idea the history of Palestine (and think October 7 was the start of the problem).
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Rev. Michelle Love
I will be the first to admit that my sense of humor can be considered a bit dry, but the only verse I found funny here was Proverbs 21:19. I believe that Deuteronomy 23:1 was misinterpreted because "the assembly of the Lord" and "the kingdom of Heaven" are two different things. This statement is simply implying that the Lord of the manor did not want eunuchs in his employ. Mark 11:12-14 is more troublesome than hilarious because it shows a side of Jesus that may not be worthy of praise. Why would anyone literally curse a tree and the people who benefited from its harvest be denied it's fruit just because He was not able to partake because it was not yet in season? Knowing that Jesus was a magician that was capable of turning water into wine, I think that this is a prime example of " the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."
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Karsten S. A. Johansson
"God is saying that believers need not remove their body parts to worship Him, and He will not be impressed if they do."
Except when it comes to circumcision.
Then there is Matthew 19:12 which seems to not only accept that mutilation, but outright recommend it.
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Colleen McAllister
I find none of them humorous but practical.
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MAmatthews
The thing that I find disturbing reading the comments is that the topic is about funny Bible verses that made sense back in the time it was written but seem odd or unusual today. But some just have to go off topic and drag politics into the conversation. What happened to the separation of church and state?
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April B
A scripture I remember that cracked me up is Acts 20:7-9. Paul talked too much. So much so, someone fell asleep and fell out a window and died, listening to him talk all freaking night long. 🤣.
This was a lot of fun. I really did laugh out loud at Proverbs 21:19. My brother left the faith, but I think he'll appreciate this verse! LOL. I also appreciated the deeper way of understanding the story of the fig tree. Now it makes so much more sense. It is a great example that reading the Christian scriptures with the guidance of the other ways to understand it is important. Thank you for this article which was artfully done.