When we see a screaming kid at the grocery store, we almost reflexively start questioning the disciplinary bona fides of the parents. We are all so sure that if that were our kid, it wouldn't be acting up like that, or at least never in public. Some would add, "If I had done that when I was little, I would have gotten a good swat and that's what's wrong with kids these days. They get participation trophies and not spankings!"
In fact, a national survey conducted in 2012 showed that a majority of men and women in the US find spanking to at least sometimes be a proper method of disciplining an unruly child. There's a long tradition of it, but is it good for kids? Should we spank our children?
Biblical Spanking
The history of spanking goes back many years. In fact, some date it back to biblical times. Some interpret certain Bible verses to condone spanking. Some of these verses include:
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." (Proverbs 13:24, NIV)
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away." (Proverbs 22:15, NIV)
"Punish them with the rod and save them from death" (Proverbs 23:14, NIV)
Understandably, some people think these verses mean that spanking children is an acceptable and even preferred method of discipline. The Christian group Focus on the Family offers parents 7 tips for effective spanking on their website, including "use a wooden spoon or some other appropriately sized paddle and flick your wrist," since "if it doesn't hurt, it isn't really discipline."
In an attempt to do what I'm sure they consider walking a fine line, they urge parents to communicate grief while swatting their children. This is so that the kids understand how much it pains the parents to inflict pain on the children
However, some people disagree with this interpretation, stating that these verses are not what they seem. Many point out that the rod they are referring to is the same as the rod used to herd sheep. Shepherds do not strike their sheep with the rod; they use it to guide them. They think that these verses are simply instructing parents to gently guide their children, instead of giving into their every whim and not disciplining them.
Punishment vs Abuse
No matter what side of the debate you are on, we should first establish that spanking in anger is not the right thing to do. When spanking a child, you should be careful not to react. In the heat of the moment, it can be tempting to give your child a spanking. However, this is not the right time to do it. You may find that you are spanking all the time, or spanking for offenses that don't really deserve a spanking.
It's also important to realize that there can be a very thin line between spanking and abuse. Anytime you strike your child and leave a mark, you are going too far. A child should never be injured as a result of your discipline. This is a clear indicator of physical abuse. This can cause serious psychological and emotional problems in your child. The same is true for striking a child repeatedly.
Smack the Smarts Out of 'Em
Research shows that physical punishment can actually have a negative impact on the child's brain. This goes beyond any feelings that might get hurt, and this is where those that complain about parents being too soft on kids today should pay attention.
A study in 2009 looked at kids exposed to harsh corporal punishment (HCP). CP consists in "the use of physical force with the intention of causing a child to experience pain but not injury for the purpose of correction or control of the child's behavior," you know, the Focus on the Family technique. It is considered harsh if it occurs about once a month or more for a period of a few years.
They found that the spanked kids had less gray matter in parts of the brain linked to addiction and depression when compared to their non-spanked counterparts. Lower grey matter in these regions is significantly correlated to lower IQs. In essence, you are smacking a kid silly.
This gray matter is also instrumental in regulating behavior. The sad irony is that when you regularly spank a child for acting out of control, the less self-control they have. They get so used to being controlled by you that they never nurture the ability to do it themselves.
Other Disciplinary Methods
There are many different methods out there when it comes to discipline. Experts say the most important key to discipline is consistency. Once you have found an approach, you need to stick with it. This might include things like time outs, taking away privileges, or chores. No matter what you choose, make sure you display tenacity and you should be successful in your discipline.
101 comments
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Doug A Powell
8 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in divers places, and there shall be famines and troubles: these are the beginnings of sorrows.
9 But take heed to yourselves: for they shall deliver you up to councils; and in the synagogues ye shall be beaten: and ye shall be brought before rulers and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them.
10 And the gospel must first be published among all nations.
11 But when they shall lead you, and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost.
12 Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son; and children shall rise up against their parents, and shall cause them to be put to death.
13 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. This is what is happening in this end tims and it's because we listen to liberal Dr. Spock and give time out instead of spanking and or just lettings kids be. Children of the damned we've raised. It's time like at the end of the movie to plant a bomb behind the wall and blow them up! Not really but still evil kids abound in these end times, and their ruled By Satan and are headed to the lake of fire if adults don't take back thier lead. I did and got into toruble got yelled at etc... But it was the right thing to do even if the times are different. v2k and gangstlking are being used by kids and needs to stop. Gangstalking does no good and harms people agianst what Jesus said. You are the workers of Iniquity and will be told I knew they not depart from me!
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Doug A Powell
YES! YES they do need spanked. Gangstalking kids needed to be Spanked long before they became gangstalkers using v2k cell phone technology to torment their elders. THey ae usually rich soiled little brats who's parents never took the time to spank them just buy things. The end times show us how kids will be evil and either kill their parents or have them killed. It's all this DR. Spock BS and Nanny craps fault. so what a slap or a swat and told their naughty as long as it's not just left to make them feel as if that's all they are wont hurt. Video link https://youtu.be/BdpAIp9M6pQ THis is kids and or young adults this needs to end! Children of the damned is what we're raising now with all this technology. Video games and all cell phones should be banned and taken from them. Pierced ears need to wait. 5 year olds getting peirced ears is BS. NWO crap needs to be brought down. I'ts sick what kids are in these end times. Evil little monsters they are NO they are not innocent they and all of are born in SIn don't argue. you will lose!
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Bruce Shand
I should've been held to account as an occasionally naughty, growing boy by having my bare bottom warmed across my mother's knee. After all, it was born out in my Grade 7 class that corporal punishment was effective with me. I was called to the front of the room and strapped on my palms for playing at my desk when I should've been working. The twin elements of shame and pain made my eyes water, and I definitely learned my lesson.
I would've thought having my bare bottom soundly spanked at home could've been just as corrective. To me, that was the whole point of child spanking; putting shame and pain to work in meeting naughtiness with a uniquely disagreeable consequence. My pants pulled down and my upturned backside smartly smacked surely would've been just as instructive as the strap proved to be. Like I said before, both physically and emotionally, I couldn't have been any better suited to being spanked.
For me, being maltreated as a child meant never getting the spankings I deserved. My life has been only the more self-harming because of it.
By the way, I previously posted as Rennie Gade. It's a name I've used when I felt my privacy was at risk. Discussions of child spanking can sometimes be so concerning.
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t1anad95
I believe that parents should spank their children. Some children do not respond to punishments that are not physical. Children who are overly disrespectful are the ones that need physical punishment. I'll admit that there are a few negatives with spanking, but it also depends upon the parent-child relationship as well as how often the punishment is administered, to what severity, and under what circumstances. Here is my blog with a few of my thoughts on spanking children: https://tstress.wordpress.com/2017/11/12/public-misbehaving-public-whooping/
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Rennie Gade
My mother and my oldest sister were my disciplinarians growing. They each had cause more than once to give my bare bottom a good smacking, but the most they ever did was threaten to spank. No matter whether I'd stolen the change from my sisters' coat pockets, been rude to my mother on the phone, told lies or been caught playing with matches, I was punished by the withdrawal of their affection. As a shy, sensitive boy who already had issues with self-esteem, I can't help thinking I would've been better served by regretting whatever I'd done to earn a soundly spanked bottom.
I don't believe spankings should be doled out like penny candy. But a child with an I'm-the-boss-of-me attitude soon realizes he's nobody's boss, having his bare bottom warmed across the lap of parental authority. By never getting the spankings I deserved, I simply wasn't properly taught the critical lesson of Actions & Consequences. I'm not saying my tendency to impulsiveness could've been spanked out of me, but being subjected to traditional pants-down, over-the-knee correction for any of those instances of wrongdoing I mentioned would certainly have given me pause the next time naughtiness tempted me.
To her credit, my mother said in her later years that she would spank me if she had it to do over again. Both physically and emotionally, I don't believe I could've been any better suited to good old-fashioned spankings.
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Dr. Kirby Surprise
That wasn't love, it was physical and sexual abuse. Love is when you shape behaviors by gradual reward and attention. A grown woman dick beating a child .....really?
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Doug A Powell
said by a demon possessed loser. We have none other than Children of the damned and Corn demon possessed little monsters running around with no respect for their elders because of you people. but that's Satans realm and he will pay so will you! Lake of fire is your home or will be!
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William
Spanking kept me in line as a little boy. It was either the paddle on my butt or the strap on my penis, always bare. It hurt a lot but I'm glad my mom cared enough to discipline me. I don't remember being spanked after 10 or so, and I've grown up to be very successful.
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Doug A Powell
The penis I don't see the thing there unless you wer caught spanking it??? But the spanking yeah I will agree I was slaped and spanked sometimes unfairly for things I was innocent of but was told later that it was because of fairness to the kids mom so they wouldn't accuse my parents of being one sided. But yeah no kid will hold that much resentment against parents if they're slapped and or spanked. maybe at the time but that heals and attention spans at those age are like gone in minutes. Cell phones pierced ears games etc have and are destoying us. Kids now think they run the world because they haven't been taught it's us who lead. They are Narrcissists and need to wait until they get old enough to lead. I had to they can wait too!!!!
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KathyK
I was a single mother for ten difficult years after my divorce. I raised two boys and a girl practically by myself. I learned that all kids are different and there is no magic solution that will work for all of them. There were times I had to resort to spanking and all I can say is that for some kids it works and for others it does not. My youngest son was a handful and while I joke with him about it today, at the time he could make me crazy. He stole some things from a store. He and his friends destroyed some property. Sometimes, he left school during classes. Spanking did work with him. I never used an object. However, there were times I pulled down his pants, took him over my knee, and gave his butt a pounding with the palm of my hand. I hated doing it. However, grounding and taking away privileges didn't seem to have the same effect with him. If you can raise your kids without spanking its terrific. Don't make the mistake of thinking that it works for every kid out there.
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jackson1250
To effectively discipline a child there must be appropriate reward and punishment.
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Pastor Pete
So if spanking doesn't work, where do you go? Pick up something and hit them with that? Shoot them? What level of physical duress are we talking? No, never hit my kids, never will. My ex-wife is a spammer, no disrespect to her, she's been wonderful, however my 18 year old son told me he'd much rather be disciplined by his mother than me. Reason? She'll slap him and it's over, I tend to say, "ok, sit there, explain yourself..." Spanking, too easy, talk, discipline without violence.
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bernard
i was spank by my father and if did not cry he did it all over again that was 30 years ago andi have not forgoton the ill feeling that my dad had for me spanking or hit your own flesh blood solve nothing leave nothing but hate
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M
your attitude is skewed, spanking does work and to hold on to hate because you were a spoiled brat and did not think you should had been spanked at all is totally immature. a mentally mature person would not only get over it but understand the necessity of corporal punishment esp for spoiled brats who doesn't want to learn about consequences for their actions. and for many kids nothing else but a spanking will do. There was an article in a periodical a few years back that stated that other countries such as France can't understand why the US is fixated with adhd and drug their kids up. they don't have that issue there, because they use corporal punishment and their kids dont act up, problem solved. In this case I believe they are correct.
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HeidiAnne Leon
Mary, calling Bernard, a spoiled brat wasn't called for. If we are going to call people names then, I'm going to call you a bully. He said that his father would hit him again if he didn't cry the first time. That is abuse. Furthermore, my kids aren't spoiled brats and I didn't have to hit them. I see that you like to insult or hurt others. Your attitude is skewed. A parent doesn't have to resort to hitting their child, to teach them the consequences of their actions. Intelligent parents use other methods, that actually teach their child, not just to inflict pain.
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M
is that why there is so many kids deemed adhd and doped up on mind altering legal drugs. is that also why kids are so coddled that it i an epidemic and they are narcissist we are the worst country in the world to be producing romanticist children. you know what i am not a bully and i am not one who believes in inflicting pain on others, but i also believe that sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to not let people control you either but sometimes the situation warrants non coddling methods, i have seen coddling ruining our society and that is what most of those other methods use.
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Doctor T and the women
sounds like mary wants to get spanked. oh yeeeeeaaaaaahh
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HeidiAnne Leon
lol, I'll do it. lol
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M
i am not the one who needs spanked, kinky or not. i am not doing anything bad, and i am not a child.
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John Owens
I and my siblings were spanked by loving parents, and my children were spanked by loving parents. We all are very glad that we were. I don't care how you deal with your kids, as long as you deal with them and it works. The idea that spanking itself is wrong, is mistaken. It depends on how it's done, I suppose. A parent's job in my opinion is two-fold-- to turn little children into useful, good, productive human beings, and then to become obsolete. If your kids are over 25 and still depending on you (unless they are disabled), you failed them. If they are living on the dole and not really disabled, you failed them. If they're in prison, you failed them. Anyway, spanking is NOT abuse, and it works. Nagging is abuse. Begging and cajoling is stupid and wussified. You don't waste your breath and everyone else's nerves trying to explain to a 4 year-old brat who is pitching a conniption in public why they can't have whatever it is they're on about. Mine never did that more than once. If you're too brainwashed to spank then you can pinch them. Mine are both in their thirties and they love me and respect me, and my daughter calls me Daddy and my son calls me Dad or Pops. When they were sick I babied them and I went to their recitals and games, and I sang to them and told them stories and rocked them. I am a loving father and grandfather and I am proud of the people they have become and I played a large role in that which they appreciate very much. They are very knowledgeable in the scriptures, very well-liked and respected, very talented, and have good work ethics. I thank God for my parents who spanked me when I needed it, and I passed that blessing on to my children and they will pass it on to their children.
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Sheri
We were ll raised with spanking and it made us good people. A spanking is not the same as abuse. One must always remember that for every action there is a reaction. Criminals result from over discipline and parental examples. A child needs to know that discipline is an expression of love if it is done correctly. Bringing up a child with no discipline what-so ever does not teach right from wrong.
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M
i don't think anybody is specifically speaking of a one year old necessarily.
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healthiestdietpossible
A one year old does not -- cannot -- "act bad". This is in the eye of the beholder. There is no way anyone for any reason ever should spank a one year old. Our children grow up and turn out badly and we wonder what we did. It starts here. I urge you most sincerely to think on this.
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Julie Smith
Spanking teaches children several things. First, it teaches that the person upon which they are most dependent is willing to cause them physical pain. Second, it teaches the meanings of pain, fear, humiliation, and anger. Third, it teaches that it is sometimes acceptible to resort to a physical attack with the intent to threaten and inflict pain and/or bodily harm (if the person's anger is sufficient to justify the behavior). This is, of course, not the way the parent would describe the "spanking." It is, however, precisely how it feels to the child. The most important methods of teaching self discipline and other life lessons to a child are through consistent, calmly enforced rules and the faciliitation of learning through natural consequences. Why would a parent not implement the most effective methods of guiding and modifying behavior - unless his or her anger is great enough to motivate justification of intentionally painful, punitive behavior?
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Ed
Spanking is sometimes needed, and I'd like to see other reports to collaborate that part about "spanking the smart out of them.
First, it depends on age. For example, I've a 1-year niece, and only in when she's been acting bad for a good part of the day is she spanked, and never when angry...but that's for any kid. If the person's angry, a different adult handles the spankings, or any other punishments. Sometimes, it's something as simple as holding, not letting them do anything, and tell the "...you're just going to get loved." They hate the restrictions, but aren't able to do anything, so it all depends on the situation, as to how strongly a punishment the child gets.
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Dennis E. Loucks
Spanking has its place in discipline. Just talking to a child rarely does the job. Likewise, only spanking the child rarely does the job. My father employed the spank, lecture, and bawl method himself. Ok, he didn't actually bawl, but he did cry. I think that the reason why a child is being spanked must be clear to the child. Letting them see that you are deeply saddened by the need is very important as well.
I find it interesting that the study links grey matter and spanking. Was there before/after tests, or did they only prove that lower grey matter in those areas leads to more acting out. I personally received many spankings since I quite honestly had an ornery disposition as a child. I don't feel that I'm lacking mentally, so I'm interested in that study.
The consistency is very important. Other methods would not have worked with me, but do with my niece and nephew. Punishment needs to fit the child as well as the infraction with the same levels matching the degree and frequency of acting out.
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rose
damages there selfesteem see the Christ in everyone.
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Evangelist, Creto Howard
I raised five children over a thirty year marriage, I used a board of education in their younger years. And I've been around a lot of family's with children, who believe only in time outs, counting, taking away privileges, and so on. More often than not, I come to the conclusion that these kids were not disciplined according to scripture. And ya know! a lot of these parents are not believers in God, and a lot of their way of thinking is a product of the 60's culture. In public you can see the parenting skills that have been applied to the kids, they're a horror show, when I told my kids, you can't have this or that, they knew I wasn't just filling the air with words, they knew that no meant no. I had a bank teller ask me, "how do those kids stay sitting over in the waiting area and not be hanging on the ropes, and running everywhere?" I said "good old fashion discipline". And ya know, it got to a point with the kids, when I said were going to have a meeting, they knew very simply to do what mom or dad asked them, and things would be just fine. I've been an auto mechanic for 40yrs. and I'm not as educated as some of these time outers, I've learned after being in the ministry a while, that Gods way is easy, and simple, if applied properly it works real fine. Here is a verse for you mom, prov,29vs15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother shame'. vs.17, "Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; he shall give delight unto thy soul." here's another for the timeouters, Prov.30vs11, "There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother." without proper scripture application, I see just the blind leading the blind, and your both going to fall into a ditch.
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Dr. Kirby Surprise
Scripture? Oh, you mean biblical directions like if your wife wears clothing with more than one fiber, you have to burn her alive? Or maybe you mean the directive to stone a farmer to death if he plants more than one kind of crop? How about the biblical model of the universe? You know, the Earth is flat, round like a dinner plate, covered by a dome with the stars glued to the inside, the sky is blue because we are all underwater, and shooting stars happen when one falls off the dome? How about the parts where you can sell your children into slavery, God says its ok to attack other cities, kill all the males, steal all the cattle, and force the women into sexual slavery? The list goes on and on. Never heard of any of this? Amazing how many faithful who run their lives on the perceived principals of their scriptures can't seem to make it to a keyboard and do a few Google searches on their own beliefs.
The definition of a delusion is a belief that is unchanging despite being contradicted by available evidence. People tend to use religious materials to justify both the better and worse angels of their natures. Sadly, most "religious" people actually don't even bother to understand the history of their religions and scriptures, and fall into the con game of declaring "faith" as an excuse for the intellectual laziness of never investigating the reality of their beliefs.
"Scripture" has always been used to justify the "evil" people choose to do. This holds true for slavery, murder, warfare, racial bigotry, homophobia, and various forms of violence such as abusing children.
Here's the thing; Humanity has been occasionally blessed by the occasional real spiritual teacher. If you study the actual lives of Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, Gandhi, and other great souls, it becomes immediately apparent the actual person's message was love, tolerance and complete non-violence, all of which are later abandoned as lesser mortals write scriptures and use them to justify their own shortcomings and deeds.
Go ahead, use intellectual delusions to justify your lack of true empathy and love. Teach your children they are not worth the time it would take to parent them and actually teach them, cuz your monkey mind would rather hit something than take the time to look at your own emotional failings. Demonstrate to your children that delusional and incomprehensible ( to them) nonsense in some book is more important than they are.
Love has always been the way. What would Jesus do? Guaranteed it would not have been hit the kid.
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Brother John
Terrific comment, Dr. Surprise. May I assume you are the author of the book entitled Synchronicity? I hope you'll be able to wade through the often ill-informed and bigoted comments that appear on this site and continue to add a rational voice to the discussions.
……"the con game of declaring “faith” as an excuse for the intellectual laziness of never investigating the reality of their beliefs" was an erudite description of some of our frequent posters. Yours was a well constructed gem. I hope to read more in the future.
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Pastor Pete
Superb! Thank you so much, time to break the chain of violence, come back prophets, we have great need of you. Very well said
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cmdsgtmajor
Corporal punishment punishment becomes abusive when you leave marks/welts and scars on the child. A "mild spanking followed by an explanation as to why is was done (the child, of course, already knows why it was done) and what to do to prevent it from happening again (the child knows this also) usually will work. Time out is a joke, and taking away his/her favorite toys, computer, etc works until you give it back. As a parent, you have to treat each incident separate and punishment may not be the same each time. Children are going to misbehave; fact of life. Punishing a child for misbehaving teaches a very important fact of life; That there are some things you an not get away with in life.
There is a fine line between abuse and discipline.
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Bart
an occasional spank is fine beating them till they're black and blue is not
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Dr. Kirby Surprise
As a licenced psychologist with a specialization in neuropsychology child development, and family counseling, as well as a parent who has raised special needs children, its amazing to hear people justifying child abuse in the form of physical punishment. Try reading the reams of actual research on the effects on behavior and development of physical punishment on children, and the adults that they eventually become. No mammal ever learns behavior from negative reinforcements. Once the threat of punishment is no longer immediately present, the unwanted behavior comes back stronger than before. It teaches nothing. This is one of the most well known and researched aspects of behavior.
People need to stop using force and making excuses for their own lack of empathy, tolerance and poor parenting skills. Better yet, try actually educating yourself about the effects of parenting styles before deciding to hurt someone.
As a psychologist who has also worked extensively in prison setting, its amazing to find the majority of the adults incarcerated were exposed to physical punishment, which only taught them to be violent when frustrated. Think of it this way; children are more emotionally vulnerable than the presumably more developed adults around them. Yet, if you strike an adult other than in strict self defense, your going to prison. Its time to recognize that children have the same human and civil rights as adults.
How would you react if the next time your supervisor is unhappy with your performance, they hit you?
Are these parents too dumb, neurotic, or lazy, to actually parent? Some may be. Many others are acting on their own memories of abuse, or fears of harming their children by not punishing them, based on moral societal and religious concepts that have nothing to do with actual reality.
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Rev. Lynnae
Thank you for your articulate, research-based comments. Breaking the cycle of abuse is a difficult lesson, but as spiritual leaders we cannot preach peace on a macro-scale if we do not practice it on a micro-scale. Anti-violence in the community begins with our behavior within our own families. Well-said.
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Stella
I agree. My father was horribly abusive to me my entire life. And my mother did nothing to stop it. What he considered spanking was abuse and a person would be thrown in jail today for what he did to me. I survived 17 years of his abuse but I have complex-PTSD. Parents are supposed to model behavior by teaching them how to act in the world. People who harm children are teaching their children to harm others. I think people who believe in corporal punishment are either religious fanatics or too lazy to parent. They should not have had children.
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Sam
There is nothing wrong with spanking. I was spanked when I was a child
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Rev. Lynnae
I was raised in the '70's and spanked as a child, and never understood why my parents wanted to hurt me. Yes, I made some bad choices, but I was not a delinquent. And sometimes the spankings turned into beatings and became abusive. They were too hard, left marks, and made me resentful and more defiant. That's the problem with hitting. Where do you draw the line? It's all too subjective. Also, children are all different. My brother responded very differently to punishment than I did. It did not seem to ( and I stress the word "seem") affect him emotionally the way it did me. But that's the problem too. Even if someone says,"Thanks for the spankings when I was younger. I really needed that," do they know for sure that there wasn't some negative impact on their psyche?
My husband and I swore we would never hit our kids, and just this last week I spanked my own daughter during one of her temper tantrums when she hit me. I saw the look in her eyes that conveyed hurt and betrayal and disappointment. I realize now that she was testing me to see if I would still love her and treat her with kindness and respect even when she was not doing so for me. I failed. Parents are supposed to model appropriate behavior. I acted emotionally the way I had been programmed. I have a child development degree and understand very clearly the negative impacts of corporal punishment. But my own self-control faltered, and I need to do some work to correct that.
There are MANY other ways to discipline...MANY. And, yes, kids do need discipline and guidance and boundaries. It just takes practice to find a balance. I don't believe "the problem with this country" is that people don't spank their kids enough. Lack of discipline - yes. Confused ideas about how to parent - yes. But blaming it all on parents not spanking their kids is simplifying the situation. We need to educate ourselves as parents and try to do better with every generation.
My parents let me ride in the back of the open pick-up truck on the freeway, and "look, I survived". But, does that mean it was a good idea? Or can I learn from that, be grateful that I survived, and do better? I will try.
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RF
Spanking, while with any type of punishment, is not done in anger, by all means, spanking is ok. I was spanked while growing up as were my kids and they turned out just fine. I think that there is not enough discipline from parents today but I think that goes back to the culture they were brought up in which, unfortunately was my generation who "preached" against any form of punishment.
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Dr. David
To Discipline is To Teach. Corporal punishment of children is not necessary when parenting is done effectively. "Punishment" of children that is most effective includes not allowing them to access activities, preferred interactions, and brief periods of time out. When those are combined with appropriate teaching of desired behaviors with consistency children can and will grow up with appropriate manners and respect for others. The verses that were referenced do not condone spanking of children when they are parsed with appropriate hermeneutics.
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Chris
I have a unique view of this subject. I am a mother of two adult children and three grandchildren. I did spank my children at times when they were growing up. Both have thanked me for it since having children of their own. I did not do it every time they did something wrong only when it was called for by the situation. I also drive a school bus for children who are classified with EBD "emotional behavior disorder". All of these children have been kicked out of regular school and sent to a school that only deals with this problem. This biggest problem I see is no one has said no to these kids. They have never had any kid of disciplinary rules at home. They learn that I will not tolerate their bad behavior. Sadly the most I can do is have them suspended off the bus. However, after that happens enough times they are put in a safety vest. I really HATE seeing this happen because it treats them like an animal. To me a spanking would be less cruel than medication and a vest that treats them like an animal. We are falling our children by not showing them discipline. When I started this route I had 4 kids that were suspended for bringing knives to school and one for threatening to blow up the bus and kill everyone. I have kicked, spit on, and hit. Today they understand my rules and follow them but it's been a long hard journey.
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CRAIG
I worked in childcare for over twenty five years and have children of my own. To answer the question of spanking you first have to ask what the purpose of spanking is. Is it punishment, a deterrent to end a behavior?
The purpose of discipline is to negate behaviors. Period. Punishing a child for certain behaviors is only trying to make the child too afraid to repeat the behavior. Using disciplinary methods to negate a behavior is a much more positive way than punishment, but it depends on how you use it.
When I worked in a center, time-outs, conversation, etc were all great tools, but what I began to see was that any overuse of any one of those methods ended in being no tool at all. Put a kid in time out five times a day to stop disruptive behaviors did little good--the child got used to sitting in a chair without learning anything.
The same is true with spanking. To my mind, use spanking to get a child's attention in order to stop a behavior is not a bad thing, as long as you're not really hurting the child and it's not used as a punishment. However, if all you do is spank a child for behaviors, they're going to build up a tolerance to it and eventually ignore the real purpose behind the spanking.
in my years of experience, for young children (1-3) redirection is the best answer: if they're doing something troublesome, break the cycle and take them to a new area with a new activity, removing the source of whatever they were doing. For older kids talking to them about behaviors can be more effective (as long as you don't preach at them, instead engaging them about their behavior and what to do better), and with even older kids teaching them consequences of actions: you made a mess, you get to clean it up; you broke this, you have to use your allowance to replace it. Consequences of your actions is the true way to hit home and make kids realize what they do affects others.
The key is figuring out why the child is continuing negative behavior: attention seeking, fatigue, frustration over something else, age level response, etc. and then redirecting those behaviors to so that kids get opportunities to make the right decisions...and get positive outcomes because of it.
CC
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M
craig, the problem is that no matter what kind of punishment you use there will always be somebody complaining about it and trying to call it abuse. i think that is why so many people are afraid to punish, We need to take the bad off of punishing and set rules like if you spank, us your hands, don't spank mad, make sure you communicate to your child why, ect. because sometimes kids get bound and determined they just dont want to do what they are told to do. my late brother who live until he was murdered at 42 said that he needed our dad to spank him, he was a hellion and would not listen when he was young and he needed that harsh punishment he said that the only way he learned was to get into trouble, talking things out to him did not work, to learn to be a good kid to grow up a good guy. another example of this was when he was a little boy he would not leave electrical outlets alone, no matter what my mom would do to try to get him to understand that it was not a good thing to do. she finally had to let him get a mild shock from the outlet before he learned to leave it alone. it is immature people who does not understand this and who thinks that punishments are bad, even animals will punish their young. to get them to obey them which is very important in cases of survival.
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williamone1234
It is alright to spank!~! I got spanked and lived!
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Willie
My parents were "talkers". They were very open to discussing problems and issues that arose, and always solicited out input. No matter what I did - lousy grades, poor attitude, disrespect - they always sat me down and hammered the problem out.
Having said that, at the ripe old age of 55 I gave my parents approach some careful thought as it related to my coming of age and responsibility. As it turned out, I did just fine, and have managed a successful 41 year career in public safety and a 37 year marriage.
And I wish that they had spanked me! I now know that I would have been much better served had I had my pants and underwear lowered to my ankles and been taken over my dad's knee for some "red bottom therapy" occasionally.
I only had to spank my three boys exactly once each, all of them around the age of 8 or 9. I think that knowing that I'd do it if it was necessary was enough for them to stay pretty much in line, and they all grew into wonderful, responsible men. I never spanked them in anger, and it was always after several chances were offered for them to get "in line".
In the right circumstances a spanking is the right way to terminate behavior that, if left unpunished, could have disastrous results.
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HeidiAnne Leon
ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHY DO YOU THING HAVING YOUR UNDERWEAR LOWERED WOULD BE THE WAY TO SPANK? AS YOU KNOW, I THINK SPANKING IS WRONG, BUT TO DO IT ON THE BARE IN MY OPINION IS NOT ONLY INAPPROPRIATE, BUT ABUSIVE!
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chefette
That's what's wrong with this country now! There has been no discipline whatsoever in several decades. There's no respect for anything anyone or anyone's property. Yes spanking is a good thing.
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William C Millhouse
I agree whole heartedly.
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WarriorMaiden
As an adult parent/carer it is YOUR responsibility to find the most humane way to punish dependent on the nature of the child. I've heard a lot of spouting off involving the bible etc. What no one has considered is the effect spanking or beating a child has when they reach adulthood and the damage it can do.
My father was a spiritual man - who would talk to you and show you how went wrong and how not to do it again, he was very effective at using psychology to keep us kids in line. My mother was an active Christian (the not spare the rod type).
I'm now going 50 yrs and can clearly remember and feel the spanking(no beating) I received for not being alert and quick enough to get to school...I was 5 years old...!! I was left at the gate and I could hardly walk, my class teacher noticed and my mother was called to the school..words were exchanged and I was taken home because my legs were cut and bleeding. When I was 7 years old my mother asked me to go buy a egg from the corner shop, dutifully I went asked the shop owner for the egg and was informed that i could only buy 6x eggs. I returned home with the 6x eggs and informed my mother who spanked me to the point that I could hardly walk BUT I had to return the eggs to the shop and come home with one egg...! The shop owner on seeing and understanding what had happened started to cry and asked me to bring my father to see him when I could and gave me one egg to take home. I did take my father to the shopkeeper I don't know what was said but the both of them kept a close eye on me after that.
I have NEVER forgotten those incidents and no matter how often I have tried to forgive and forget every now and then especially when my lower back or hip hurts I realize how much I HATE her and her religion...!! My father never trusted her again and he waited for me to be independent enough before divorcing her..!
So yes...GO AHEAD...spank/ beat/ etc. your children...BUT consider the damage you do not only to yourselves, your relationships but also the potential PTSD to your children...!!
Peace Out..
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Tom
In answer to the question posed...NEVER! Ther are more effective ways to get the desired results.
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Brother John
Thanks mary. This is something that puzzles many "non-believers". There are some very cruel and immoral laws in the OT, including how to buy, own and treat slaves, the stoning to death offences and more.
In Matt 5:17, Jesus is quoted as saying,……."Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."
There's also this from Revelation 22:18-19 …. "For I testify unto everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book, if anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book; And if anyone takes away from the words of this book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life, and from the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book."
I'm not a biblical scholar, but they sound very clear to me, with no interpretation necessary. But if the OT laws and commandments are no longer valid, wouldn't that include the often quoted Ten Commandments.
I doubt that any Muslims stone disobedient children to death, but if they did, wouldn't they simply be adhering to the Law of God as stated by Moses? Can you clarify this in simple terms?
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M
Yes, i believe i can add a little more clarification with regards to the point you said about the ten commandment, Jesus did not come to change all the laws, just many of the worst ones, he often said that the people still needed to fallow the laws of Moses. that included the ten commandments.
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Brother John
Hmmmm… I've heard that before, but have not seen the Bible reference that says he's eliminating some of the laws, but leaving other . The two (I think there may be more) quotes that I used don't seem to make any exceptions. Does anyone else have answers to offer?
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M
then you have not paid attnetion very closely to what Jesus really said, he had said it a couple of times. and i did not change or leave off anything, Jesus never said to stone anybody to death though, and it is not in the ten commandments, so He had no problem with telling people to remember the laws of Moses.
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Brother John
I gave two quotes that said the Law wasn't to be changed, mary, both from the N/T. Can you provide any that say the O/T laws no longer apply, as these leave no room for interpretation?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Moses proclaim the 10 Commandments that he received directly from God, along with many others?
And the prescribed punishment for breaking a few of the 10 Commandments (and others) is death, according to God and Moses, correct?
I'm honestly trying to understand this and have always found it curious that Christians would have much interest in the Old Testament, but instead concentrate on the New Testament and the teachings of Jesus. Why not just disregard the Old Testament entirely? It's barbarity turns many people away from Christianity who might otherwise embrace it.
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M
Brother John, i have not ever seen anywhere or heard any were where it said that Jesus ever supported in any way stoning anybody to death for any reason. nor have i ever seen any such in the ten commandment, nor had i heard about death if the law were broken, but i am familiar with the fact that Moses's Father in law and him along with Aaron conspired to change the Israels way of doing thing which lead to Moses murdering hundreds or thousands of the Israelite until they gave in to his father in laws new laws and they told the people that the rule were from God. according to the Book of Jasher. many Christian i know dont have anything to do with the old testament except for the genealogy, or geneses. and most Christians use the ten commandments, a few other places, but most from here or there for referencing for genealogy or a few other, but they still should familiarize themselves with it. Jesus's sacrifice is supposed to eliminate the need for sacrificing anything, i know that much, which they did only because of Moses. much of the ot or any of the teaching were not meant to be taken literally, but metaphysically instead, that was why Jesus spoke in parables and said that his words were only meant for the few who were ready to understand them, then they would understand the parables. but one thing you should keep in mind is that just because the laws for many things were death, did not mean Jesus upheld that view. that is one reasons why Jesus said what he said regarding he who has not sinned should throw the first stone. in fact if i did not say so before, he was there to change many of the existing laws that he saw wrong and if he had more time he may had gotten to the issue of stoning. and some of the other archaic laws.
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Brother John
mary, are you posting as both mary and marysbirdworld? I saw a distinct similarity but it seems they are one in the same.
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Brother John
Regarding the frequently quoted 10 commandments written on the stone tablets story….
The commandments commonly recited are from Exodus 20 and were told to Moses, not written on tablets.
Forty days later, "God's finger" writes another 10 commandments on two stone tablets for Moses, but these are broken. They are then re-written on stone tablets again in Exodus 34:14-26 and confirms they are the 10 Commandments in Exodus 34:28.
The first 10 were simply told to Moses, but the second (and third) 10 were written and appear to be the real 10 commandments, but they are quite different from those commonly quoted.
In either case, why didn't God include sensible moral instruction to his creation like…..
Thou shall not enslave. Thou shall not torture. Thou shall not kidnap. Thou shall not molest children. Thou shall not rape women. Thou shall not commit genocide
In the first version #6 is thou shalt not kill. #4 is to keep the sabbath holy. What is the prescribed penalty for this offence? Exodus 35:2 Numbers 15:32-36
This is not directed only to mary. Any explanations for the above?
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M
yes i post as both sometimes i forget to delete off the birdsworld part and it goes all the way through. so?
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M
fist if all if you want me to respond, you need to keep the links open for me to, i should not have to search to find a way to respond to your comments, secondly, i note the comments you made about the ten commandments, and these are good commandments, bu ti really don't see what they have to do with the issue we were talking about. as corral punishment, ie spanking is not torturing.
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Brother John
The links are open, mary. You just have to scroll up to the first Post Reply button to add yours. You were referring to the 10 commandments and I had pointed out the real ones that are often ignored. I was hoping someone with substantial biblical knowledge, not just yourself, would explain why the real, written commandments (in Exodus 34) are ignored.
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M
yeah, i saw that regarding the ten commandments, but you know they were written by Jethro, Mosses s father in law as he dictated it to Mosses and told him to tell his people that it came from God.So there is nothing that surprises me, and those would had been better ones, but i guess that was their mental state they were in and ready for in those days.
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M
Brother John there are many other punishment that the bible talks about. but the one you refer to is the exact reason Jesus had to come, to teach other ways. And that is the exact ways that the muslims still want to hold on to. When Jesus was disobedient towards his mother when his parents went looking for him, his father gave him a stern look and he know he was busted but not all children a Jesus and most are not that perceptive. But then he was always more perceptive and maybe even telepathic as he got older it was more obvious. but the point is, as a youngster even he needed a father to keep him corrected when it was necessary. He did not realize the danger he was in and i think when he grew up he did not realize it either and that is why he stayed in areas of peril. because he stuck around many places until it got dangerous and then he left, but then as it came close to the day of reckoning he walked right into the lions den. he probably thought he could handle it, but that was another issue.
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Brother John
All children should be thankful if their parents do not refer to the Bible for advice. There would be far more than a simple spanking involved, although the warning alone could be a powerful deterrent for bad behaviour.
If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. -- Deuteronomy 21:18-21
He that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. -- Exodus 21:15
He that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death. -- Exodus 21:17
The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it. -- Proverbs 30:17
And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. -- Leviticus 26:29
If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. Luke 4:26
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M
by the way brother john, i just thought of something, that might help. with regards to your question about stoning, and something came to mind that i thought i would bring up. is the situations with regards to the saying of he who has not sinned can cast the first stone. i believe Jesus was teaching against not toning, and i think this is how it went down based on info from the book of all the women in the bible. these guys wanted to trip Jesus up to try to see if he would waver on that rule by framing this woman to see what Jesus would do. after they finished humiliating the woman by framing her they took her to the town square and called Jesus out and told him of her sin but not that they were just as much if not more guilty for there part in it, both directly or indirectly and asked him if he would still pass a sentence of death on her. he did not want to resend what he had said about not stoning under any conditions, and seeing how she was also framed, and since he could see what really happened by seeing their souls or something he came up with let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. does that help answer your question. it does not mean necessarily that we can not judge, it means that we need to become humane and civilized and start deciding better ways to handle the situations.
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M
it is not the same, an adult is not necessarily hitting somebody for the purpose of teaching right from wrong, because adults are supposed to know right from wrong if raised right by then, a child does not and is very irrational and needs to be disciplined to learn it, you can not they don't even always pay attention to what you say, many kinds of mild forms of discipline are able to be manipulated my kids or ignored, and they think it is a joke, and some kids are just so bull headed that their just isn't any other way to get them to learn write from wrong.
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rfox44
No one should be allowed to inflict pain.
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HeidiAnne Leon
if an adult hit another adult for doing something they consider wrong or dangerous it would be a criminal act called assault. if the police in the USA hit a person it would be called police brutality. In the US, parents justify hitting their children and use the word discipline. Discipline means to teach, not to inflict physical pain. There are numerous ways to teach a child or teen the consequences of their mis behavior. Such as grounding, earlier bedtimes, doing extra chores, taking away something that the child or teen likes. A parent's hand is supposed to be for hugging, patting a child on the back, wiping their child or teen's tears, not to be the cause of them.
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Pastor Davila
In California it's against the law to spank your kids... In Nevada it is not... I remember when I was a kid in Los Angeles, CA it was okay for the Principal to paddle unruly children with their parentsb consent.
It does seem that children are behaving worse not better I'm not sure that outlawing spanking had anything to do with this?
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M
i think it is wrong of California to outlaw spanking your kids, some kids that is the only kind of punishment they will understand. Not all forms of punishment will work and many people also ant to call some of those other forms abuse, too. i mean where does it start, look at the problems that has arises in this society that is from not punishing our young. even animals will punish their you in ways that will appear to immature minds to be mean, or abusive. but they know it is the only way to teach their young who without it might run off and get in trouble or killed or eaten by another animal. do you think that would be okay if that were a human child? i don't. this is just another form of caudaling, and caudaling your kids are never good and is a kid to child abuse.
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Aurora
I think it is wrong for a state or anyone to say how we raise our children. We know our children. Some don't need to be disciplined but you have others that are so strong willed that you have to do what you need to to get thru to them. I do not believe in hurting them heck no. I love them. But a slap on the hand or a tap on the butt never hurt them. And later we would discuss why I did what I did. And we are so close today and we laugh at those moment when they were being a terror. I think it shows you care about them and their future.
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Brenda L. Marshall
Aurora I agree with you 100%
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Brother John
Here's a link that details which countries allow corporal punishment in schools, which should be well beyond the guidelines for parents.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_corporal_punishment
I know a few people who attended parochial schools and were on the receiving end of the strap. I'm not sure if they are regulated by the same legislation as public schools.
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Pastor Roger L. Schwanke
St. Peter Davila Interfatith Miinister- California does not outlaw the ability to spank your child per 300 a of the Welfare and Institution Code, however it does provide against corporal punishment.
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HeidiAnne Leon
If an adult hit another adult for doing something wrong it is a criminal act and it's called an assault. However, because it's our child we use the word 'discipline" Discipline means to teach, not to hurt. yes there are to be consequences for children and teens that misbehave, such as grounding, doing more chores, or even taking away something that the child or teen likes. i find it very hypocritical when parents who would hit their child and if the child hits another that the child would get into trouble. Furthermore, I have 2 teens and when i told them how disappointed i was in one of the behaviors I didn't need to hit, I told them how i felt and sometimes had to ground them, they didn't repeat the action again. A parent's hand is supposed to be used to give their child a hug, pat on the back for a job well done, a shoulder to cry on. A parent shouldn't be the reason for the tears. learning is painful enough without inflicting physical pain.
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The Fisher
I believe it depends on the child...when I was young you could talk until you were blue in the face about what was right & wrong. I would respond in an appropriate way and continue my bad behavior. The only thing I was responsive to was a solid smack. Again, I say this is what I needed. My 14 year old son is not one of those personalities & will modify his behavior with a good talking to..as much as a 14 year old boy can be expected to. I do agree that consistency & clear expectations are key in any child rearing situation.
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Erin A.
I agree wholeheartedly! I was raised by strict, catholic parents (my father was an Army veteran and served in WWII) and I knew right from wrong. Unlike my sister, I was stubborn and pushed boundaries whenever I could. When I deserved it...I got spanked! Now, as a parent raising two young children, I follow the same discipline guidelines and techniques that my parents used. Perhaps at 16 years old I felt as though it was abuse, but looking back, I'm glad my parents were strict. My mother once told me and I've never forgotten it..."If I didn't love you, I'd let you do whatever you wanted." I am a college graduate, work in Higher Education, have two beautiful/loving children so obviously spanking me hasn't harmed me in any way. Thanks to my mom and dad for loving, guiding, and disciplining me when I needed it.
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Aurora
Oh yea there are some children that will listen like my youngest but the three older ones it was test after test. I would rather have spanked my children and taught them right from Wrong than going thru life like they are owed something. Mine know if you want something you work for it. My husband always told them " you want you do, if you don't want don't" so my children have a good work ethic.
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Pastor P.
Spanking may actually cause more harm. If the aim of discipline is to change behaviour then change the thinking behind the unwanted action. Funny, a group called Focus on the Family, wouldn't understand this. Then again, it calls for adult reasoning.
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M
it does not, esp if it is done right, if the child matures in time, it wont cause any problems. the problem comes in with immature adults who think that everybody needs to be caudled or you do't love them. animals punish their young, and in time even though the baby thinks at the time they are abused, when they grow up and becomes parents they learn they have to also. if a baby elephant does not get raised properly, that is start out with the females and later the young male go and socialize with the bull males, where they are taught other things about right and wrong, if they don't get to socialize with the males they go roan. that is good reason why humans need to also push their young. the problem is when punishment becomes abusive. However, when people try to take away all rights to not let the parents punish their child, it causes much more problems. the affluenca boy comes to mind. not all punishments are abuse, not all spanking is abuse. some kids do not respond to non spanking punishments and if people give in to that, the they are being negligence with parenting. it has gotten to the point that even standing in the corner is considered abuse for some people because you might cause the child to become embarrassed, i mean i think that is a good example of going over board. kids needs disaplain. they are not mentally mature as children to be able to make their own rules and that is what many children and mature adults think should happen.that is why we have so many adults not that believe in no accountability.
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Doctor T and the women
You are saying it's wrong to assume that all instances of spanking are abuse, yet you make the same logical mistake. You think that if someone objects to spanking that they also believe in no punishment whatsoever. You are making the same mistake of lumping people together that you know is wrong.
Also, as the article points out scientific findings that spanking kids over time (and this only studied cases where the spanking was not done in a physically or mentally abusive way) cases behavioral issues and actually lowers IQ in kids. So to your first sentence in your comment, YES, it does.
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M
i don't believe that, most of our founding fathers were very intelligent and most of them i am willing to bet had corple punishment, and i did not saying that all forms of spanking is abuse, am saying that you can spank your child and it is not necessarily abuse. i never said that if somebody objects to spanking that they also objects to other kinds of punishment, i said most other kinds of punishment does not always work and that many people see those kinds as abuse, too. and that children need some kind of punishment as apposed to no punishments at all and that is where many families are, and why their are so many delinquents around the country right now.
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EAMONN
Mary Do you realise that you have at least fifteen spelling, punctuation or grammar mistakes in your comment. I'm sure the Founding Fathers would have done better than that!
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M
Eamonn
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M
Eamonn, that is funny as the spell check never caught them, I don't see how that could be. but we are not addressing Congress, so it doesn't matter, and what you think doesn't matter, to me either. I supposed you found a dozen spelling errors in this too. NOT.
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Pastor Carl Thomas
I work on case studies such as these and only about 10% of them are reliable. Especially when children are the case subjects as the parents have a huge impact in the outcome of the study because everything has to go through them. Also, most studies such as this usually involves a very small study group as spanking parents are afraid to come forward anymore.
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Tyler
As a child I was spanked with a belt.... now as an adult I suffer from a disease called respect for others. My children will be raised the same as I was
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Aurora
I agree with you. Like the bible says spare the rod spoil the child. So to me it told me spanking our children shows them respect, to not lie, or whatever else. My children got a tap with a wooden spoon. Did not hurt them at all. They are all grown up still love me and their children will be respectful too.
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Georgette
I believe children learn from discipline. I was spanked. One should never discipline a child when angry, or use any thing to strike them. The bare hand on the bottom is sufficiiennt.
Both parents need to support each other and jointly decide on the punishment. Older children recognize loss of privileges as more hurtful than spanking. GL
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Pastor B Stevens
Every child pushes limits during their entire life . As they learn right from wrong some times in rare situations a good swat on the palm of the hand enough to get their attention can help in difficult children . It's better if you seek help in talking firmly with a explanation what and why a wrong is . Children are learning limits if you can give them examples of results on their level of what happens when one continues a wrong action . It must be on their learning level . As for swatting a child with intentional force to many get caught up in angry actions leading to damage both physical and mental . Never punish while angry even a bad day at work can effect your control . I personally had a set of parents that went to far causing real physical perminate damage as well as mental . There are 3 of us kids and that was in the 60-70s . It was acceptable to Paddle in schools as well , in one instance while in school JR High our History teacher also men's basketball coach allowed boys to toss paper balls at the trash can . If you missed that was one whack with a large paddle . Well I,missed as did several other boys out in the hall for our whacks . The coach would throw his arm way back and really cause bruises . I was standing behind him and when he drew back he hit me square in the forehead knocking me backwards . This is not the proper use of a punishment today in fact coach would likely be fired . Once I got a paddling for soemthing I did not do again misjustice at a very early stage in 1st grade . That incident made me despise authority even that young . No teacher should punish without administration assistance in public schools to many children with mental difficulties are damaged instead of getting proper help . I also,believe we wayyyyy overprescribing certain drugs that's being given to children to stop certain behavior the easy way . The easy way creates addiction very early in life often leading to much stronger harder drugs. Look at our heroine abuse among now JR high up its a epidemic started in the eastern states years ago it has spread nation wide . This I believe is results of addictive prescriptions that later these children self medicate but they get caught in a deadly game that ends badly . Should we whip our children No ! There are far better ways even the most poor of us can do,to end bad behavior . It takes a dedicated parent and it takes faith in a higher power greater than any other . It's your choice who,or what that higher power is to you . Each of us have different views some might think beating a child works best but to me that's a lazy abusive way to cope with difficult children . Pastor Brenten Stevens
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Rev. Hoagie
Of course we shouldn't spank our kids. Spanking and all other forms of corporal punishment became frowned upon in the late 60's with the age of Aquarius. And look how wonderful the succeeding generations of lazy, undisciplined, narcissistic reprobates are turning out.
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M
some times the child will not listen or learn unless spanked, some children are just so bull headed and stubborn about doing bad things that no other forms of punishment will work because they think it is a joke and they laugh about other kinds of punishment. in addition, if you start using other links of punishments parent have been condemned about using alternative kinds of punishment also. I mean, the people who object to spanking object to almost all kinds of punishments and will fault people from using them also. if you are a single mother and her child is getting older and bigger and the mother wants to keep her child from becoming a delinquent, so that is supposed to be acceptable?
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Sam
Communicating to your child in a loving caring way will go a long way. There are other things that can be done rather then spanking. However it takes more effort and patience. Sometimes there are underlying organic and biological issues going on that only a specialist will need to evaluate. Spanking can only make these issues worse. The most common excuse I hear is that. I was spanked and I turned out OK. Really ?
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healthiestdietpossible
I raised three boys as a single mother through divorce and yes they can be stubborn. Lessons I learned (the very hard way sometimes) is that if you listen to your children they will teach you how to raise them. Not only don't spank them, don't punish them at all. Kids are not inherently bad unless they are very hurting inside. Instead try to listen to what they need attention for when they are acting out. I briefly spanked one child and tried to punish him for a period of time. I regret it. He was angry and rightfully so at the divorce. Finally I stopped punishing any of them for anything. They have all graduated college now and are great human beings. None of them turned out badly.
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ZoomZoomTina
I as a single mother of 2 boys do not believe in spanking or hitting a child. If you cant teach your child with words either you arent doing it right or there in an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. Sit down n talk about Whats going on in your childs life. Are they being abused away from the home? Bullied? Get a therapist involved if need be.
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HeidiAnne Leon
I agree with you completely ZoomZoomTina!
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M
my mom teaches with words, it is called manipulations and that is not right either. Do Phil says coddling is a form of child abuse. You can talk about talking with your kids but the truth is that most kids will talk to their parents about all subjects every time. therapist are a joke, too. you have your ideologist ideas but the truth be known, there just is not always going to be times when you can talk your way out of situations. you are dreaming if you think you can. And not all kids learn the same way either. it has nothing to do with being a good parent. as you say there are many other influence in kids lives and if they want to do something badly enough and they feel you wont let them or you will object in any way, they will not let you know about things that they don't want you to know about. being a child's friend does not make for being a good parent, There is a saying that says that you can pray and ask God for any and everything but sometimes the answer is no. When that happens Kids dont like to hear No when they want to do something they will not go for talking thing over.
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Jim
I agree.
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Ella
I was spanked and I sexualized it. I wish I could have become one of the Aquarians you mention, but instead I became sadistic. I spanked my dolls, my neighbor's dog, and almost moved on to my little sister. Thankfully I understood even at that age that it was creepy and wrong.
You can't control the effect spanking will have on a child. You can't tell in advance which ones will become like me--or go on to have some other problem you'll never hear about because they're too ashamed or scared (of being spanked!) to tell you. It's like smoking or driving around without a seatbelt: we used to think it was fine, now we know better. Some kids are "ok" and others pay a huge price for their parents' often innocent mistakes. Spanking is no different.
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Steve Hinkle
Mahatma Ghandi revolutionized the nation of India and was able to discipline the British Empire with non-violence (ahimsa). The path is clear, we should lead and teach by example. Become role models by exercising non-abusive but steadfast discipline. Like good disciples. Peace
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I believe devoutly in the firm over-the-knee application of bare hand on bare bottom in correcting the naughtiness of children young and older. The smacking of the sorry child's upturned backside (by which I mean the bumcheeks and the uppermost thighs) should be of such a soundness as to leave the bottom, in its rounded sauciness, resembling nothing so much as twin scoops of strawberry ice cream. Of course, you understand I'm envisioning the spanking being given to a fair-skinned mischief maker.
The childhood spankings I personally deserved were unwisely denied me. I especially regret never having had my pants taken down and my bare bottom soundly spanked across my mother's knee at age 14 for foolishly playing with matches. No matter how emotionally grown I may have imagined myself to be, such wanton recklessness should've had me shamefully punished like a misbehaving toddler in the nursery.
Properly spanking a naughty child's bottom (over-the-knee with their pants pulled down) sends the message of parental disapproval with resounding clarity. Only when all juvenile stubbornness and disobedience has been tangibly eradicated should the warmly pinkened bumcheeks be judged to have been well-spanked. Whether the tearfully sorry boy or girl is then stood bare-bottomed in the corner is left to the adult authority's discretion.
The very act of giving a traditional bare bottom spanking pays tribute to Mother Nature's creative genius. Be it with palm, paddle, hairbrush, slipper or strap, a growing child is never better served than when met with the choice to either behave or be spanked.